A New Voice

I thought I would try to lighten things up a bit so you don't think all I have are dark, sad thoughts.  I can't believe I'm actually putting this all out there, but I guess I will.  

I don't want to give credit to anyone, least of all the people who hurt me so badly and I'm not--not really.  But, I guess, after I had picked up the pieces of myself and I was ready to try to move on I needed to find somewhere I could be successful. I know, my kids are proof that I'm successful, but that wasn't really the point.  I might be mom and I might be successful, but feeling success with them is so dependent on the day and their moods.  I needed something where I could see the progress on a consistent basis.

I've been "trying" to lose weight for over a year, starting shortly after my daughter was born.  Well, if we're being honest, I've been "trying" to lose weight since a few months before I was pregnant with my first son.  After we got married, I was tired of being on a diet and quit thinking about the food I was putting into my mouth.  I gained around 30 pounds (I had lost about that much in the year before our wedding).  Finally, this May I started to have some success.  I was forcing myself to eat healthier and take smaller portions.  On my own I lost four pounds. A small amount, but it felt HUGE to me. I joined a group of moms on Facebook who wanted to get healthier and lose weight.  It's a secret group, so I'll leave out the name, but these ladies gave me the accountability that I needed to really get serious.  We started a 6-week biggest loser competition as further motivation.

This picture was taken on June 3.  I had lost four pounds and was starting a biggest loser competition. Wet hair, no make up... just out of the shower.

 I lost another 9 pounds during the competition and made huge strides in my personal fitness.  I have a workout video, Jillian Michaels: No More Trouble Zones, that I started with.  I felt successful when I completed 2 of the 7 circuits when I started.  Then I added a third and then a fourth.  Then I got a little bored with just the same video and I started running.  Let me just tell you, I HATE running!  But, when you're at your brother-in-law's house and you don't want to do your video with everyone watching, what are you gonna do?  I ran 16 minutes that first time and another 5 after I walked for a while.  I gradually added more time and distance to my runs, eliminating the walking, and alternated them with my video workouts.  I wasn't taking measurements, but I know I lost inches.  I remember taking a size medium shirt and size 8 shorts into the fitting room, knowing I would regret it.  Instead, I bought both.  Yay!

Also during this competition one of the other moms mentioned SparkPeople.  I had never wanted to track calories... it was just too overwhelming and seemed like waayyy too much work.  But, I looked at this free website and decided to give it a shot.  One of the BEST decisions I've ever made.  On Sparkpeople you answer some questions (weight, weight loss goals, fitness goals, time frame, etc) and it comes up with the range of calories you should be consuming in a day.  Then, it offers meal plans for each day to reach those goals, or you can enter your own foods.  There is also a recipe calculator so you can get the exact number of calories for that piece of banana bread you had, plus a recipe database.  It's a lot of work at first, but once you get the foods in there that you eat the most, it really doesn't take that long.  SparkPeople has a bunch of other stuff like forums and points you earn, but you can participate as much or as little as you want.  I also like that my plan breaks down my calories and shows me how many carbs (yes I should be getting them), fats and proteins I should be getting to make a balanced diet. It doesn't tell me to cut anything out. As long as I continue with my plan and keep being good with my calories, I should be at my goal weight by March.  Right now I'm actually a little ahead of my goal (I found that out with the handy little chart the website put together for me). 

This was after the first 6 week competition.  I had lost a total of 13 pounds. Taken July 15.  Just before a run.

I won the competition, by the way.  No prize except bragging rights, but I still felt pretty good.

I didn't really change anything after the competition ended.  This is a lifestyle change for me.  I'm not on a diet and I'm not cutting out certain foods.  I am changing the way I think about food and concentrating on making healthier choices while still leaving myself room to make some of the less healthy choices.  I practice portion control and try to save the treats for special occasions.  Sometimes I need a break or there's company in town and I don't track my calories for a couple of days.  That doesn't mean I just forget about being healthy, it just means I know that I might be making some less healthy choices and I don't want my calorie counter making me feel guilty for enjoying myself. 

Last Friday we started another competition.  This time for eight weeks.  I weighed in five pounds lighter than I ended the previous competition.  I weigh in again today, so we'll see after my workout, but I should be at least another pound down. 

Before pictures for the 2nd competition.  18 pounds total weight loss.  Taken Aug. 2 Pardon the sweat... this was after a run. Please note: I've almost got abs!

 Again, I'm not changing anything for the competition.  It gives me another layer of accountability, but I don't want to crash diet and lose 3 or 4 pounds in one week.  I want to lose the weight gradually and in such a way that I will be likely to keep going and keep the weight off.  

I still have another 20 pounds for a "healthy" BMI (I won't go on my tirade about the height/weight BMI, but I don't think it's accurate for me because, although there is definitely flab, I've always been pretty muscular and that makes me weigh more).  I want to lose another 10 pounds after that to get me firmly inside the "healthy" weight range and hopefully a little more confident being in pictures with my skinny sisters.  It will also get me 3 pounds lighter than I was at my wedding.  

What I'm doing here, putting this all out there for all of you, is giving myself yet another place where I'm held accountable.  I know you don't care, per se, but knowing that I told you will make me keep at it.  Another of my qualities is that I'm a people pleaser. I hate to disappoint.  In this case, I can use that to my extreme advantage.  

I know weight loss is hard.  I know it's as much, if not more, mental as physical.  I know there are all kinds of excuses.  I know because I've been there.  I've turned the corner and I'm able to keep pushing forward.  By the way... I did all 7 circuits 3 of the last 4 days and when I get the chance to run (yeah... I kinda look forward to it now, even though I hate it... it gets me out of the house) I run for over 30 minutes and almost 3 and a half miles.  These are things that make me feel good about me.

If you're on a weight loss journey or if you have questions, feel free to let me know.  I'm happy to talk about it.  I finally found what worked for me and, knowing how great it makes me feel, I want that for others. 

Cheers! I'm off to work out before nap time is over.  I got a new video yesterday that I think I might try.