This is one post I decided needed enough work that I should start over. It is important enough to share, though. The original post was written when I was hurting, confused, and struggling to forgive. This one is written with a bit more time and space from the events and the ability to see more of the picture.
I'll just come right out and say it. I was fired. When I used that phrase with the people who fired me, I was told that I wasn't fired, because fired means you did something wrong. In the moment I didn't say anything, but with time to process, I still don't get it. I obviously didn't do something right. Anyway, here's the story.
I coached basketball for three years while I was teaching, but gave it up when I decided to stay home. I coached 7th and 8th grade boys for a year at one point. Then the boys' head coach for the high school asked me to be an assistant. I did that for a year and loved it. I was planning to do it for a second year until I was contacted by the AD and principal to interview for the girls' head coaching job. Despite some reservations about it being the right time for me, I interviewed, was offered the job and accepted.
The first year was rough. The former coach had a very different style from me and changes are always difficult. The team was young and we struggled. We only won three games that first season. But, I still loved it.
Two days after the season ended, I was in the hospital trying to stop contractions and prevent our fourth child from coming too early. She was born 5 days later, 4 weeks early. Transitioning to four kids was difficult for me and I'm fairly certain I suffered from postpartum depression. I didn't go to the doctor for it... who has time for that? (At least that's what I told myself.)
3 weeks after she was born, I hosted a faculty basketball game as a fundraiser and an end of season dinner. My newborn sat in her car seat on the bench behind (still a few days before her "due" date). I had promised the person who helped me get organized that I would be there, baby or belly.
Then I gave myself a break, to adjust a bit to life with four kids. I knew there were summer responsibilities, but hoped that maybe this year we could do just a little bit and add on the next summer. That was not to be... Early on I had started working out plans to take the team to a camp I had attended with my high school team. I only got four girls to commit to going and had to cancel. I thought, given the circumstances, maybe that would be enough of an effort for that particular summer.
Meanwhile, we replaced one of my assistants with someone new on the faculty. I was thrilled because having someone on the faculty makes the wheels turn much more smoothly. Then we interviewed a second potential coach and liked her. I was told to fire my other assistant (whom I had not been planning to replace) so we could hire this new coach. I did, but I didn't choose the best time, place, or words and it hurt our friendship. We did eventually talk afterward and our relationship began to heal, but it took time, and it was difficult.
I was also working behind the scenes to get new uniforms for the girls. There is a schedule, but because of missing and/or damaged uniforms and poor size ordering in previous years, we had a hard time finding uniforms to outfit our whole team. I had tiny girls wearing 2x, because that's all we had. My goal here was to get the team to look like a team and each girl to be able to wear a uniform that fit. It was also to show the girls that someone cared about them. That was one of the reasons we struggled the first year, they (and sometimes I) felt like they didn't matter--who cares about girls basketball? And, honestly, there weren't many in the school that tried to show them otherwise.
I hosted a grade school camp at the high school during the summer. I had never done this before and wanted input from the new coach that was in town (the one who would be on the faculty was not available). I sent emails trying to find out if she had been hired before contacting her and after about three weeks I was told she had. After emailing her and asking for help on this camp, she told me she had not been hired or even contacted by the school. This was three days before the camp was to start. She was still helpful in coming up with ideas and I spent over 20 hours in the next three days (with all four children at home while my husband was working at the high school) getting organized and ready. We had, what I felt was, a fairly successful camp, with several of the high school girls helping out.
We had also discussed possible (more local) team camps for the girls. I was planning to get that information out, but I wasn't quick enough to avoid getting reprimanded by a parent the first day of the grade school camp. I did get the information to the parents and players that evening and had decided that if I could get 5 girls to go, I would take them. They would be exhausted, but it seemed to be what the administration wanted. I got 5 to commit on time and ended up with 7. We were very successful (more than anyone even thought possible) and it was a good jump start to the season. But, I was exhausted and feeling beat down after taking an exclusively breast-fed infant to a 2-day team camp and finding alternate care for my older three, when the same parent thanked my other new assistant for organizing the whole thing (that coach had been out of town when I did all of the set up).
We'd had several open gyms to prepare for the camp (I struggled to get the girls to show up consistently) and we didn't want to lose our momentum. My on-staff assistant offered to host some pre-season open gyms, and being that I had four children that I stayed home with, I took him up on it. The other assistant was there, too. My understanding of how these are supposed to work is that we can give them a ball and that's about it. Or, we could do conditioning without a ball, that had to be open to anyone in the school. The one I tried to attend with my kids did involve a lot of coaching and included balls. Since I couldn't be available to run them, I didn't step in, but it really bothers me to not follow the rules. I didn't attend another one because it didn't work with my kids there and because I didn't want to participate in the rule breaking. I decided to save my limited babysitter funds for during the actual season.
We won 13 games my second year, including a every exciting victory over a rival in overtime at our highest attended game. We even won our first game in post season. I began to see the changes in the girls as individuals and as a team that I had been working toward. They grew closer and began to trust each other and we all grew in our faith. I saw predictions I had made the year before coming true and I knew they would be even better the next season. It takes time and patience to build a successful program. I think they even knew that I and their parents cared, even if they didn't see it from other parts of the school. And I survived all of this with three boys and a baby who was not yet a year old at the end of the season.
It was concerning to me that I had not gotten really anything in the way of feedback from "the powers that be" at the school. The one parent continued to make me feel like dirt and he made it obvious he thought I couldn't coach. There wasn't really anything I could do about this, and when I talked to a couple of people who knew the situation, they told me not to worry about it. Apparently that wasn't the right advice, but I'm not sure what I could have done about it.
I again hosted a faculty game and a dinner in the cafeteria. I presented awards, both real (like conference) and goofy to again show the girls I cared and make them feel special and appreciated. I also told parents and players what the working plans were for the summer--yep, I already had them outlined. My efforts on this dinner (including walking to several classrooms to track down girls who had not RSVPed) seemed well worth the effort. The girls had been honored, their parents had been included, information had been given and we were well on our way to reaching our full potential--that's what happens when they know someone cares.
A few weeks later I had my post season meeting with the principal and athletic director. I scheduled it during one of Josh's planning periods so he could watch the two kids who weren't in school while I was in my meeting. I was planning to discuss the season, plans for next year and things to improve. Instead, after a prayer by the principal, in which he thanked God for my work at the school, I was told that my contract would not be renewed. Then, not only did I get fired, but I had to sit there and listen to them tell me why, when there was absolutely nothing I could do to change it. Defending myself didn't matter, explaining situations that they misunderstood wouldn't make a difference... it was already done.
What they told me also showed that they didn't really know me or have an understanding of what had happened during the season. Wherever they got their information (I think a lot of it came from that one parent, possibly my assistants who both wanted to be head coach, and maybe the two to four games they had seen between the two of them), it was not based on first hand experience and it was never brought to me so I could answer the charges or attempt to make changes. They told me that I was not passionate about coaching or about coaching in that particular place, I was bad at relationships, I was negative, I didn't know enough about basketball to coach a high school team (from the two men who hired me to do this job), and the huge strides the team had made were to be credited to the two new assistants.
I am not saying that I was perfect. I know I was not. I also know that I didn't have the experience that would have been helpful going into this. But I do know that I did my best and that I am coachable (something everyone should strive to be) and if they had given me the chance, I would have worked to mold my coaching into what they wanted to see. What they didn't know was the I LOVE coaching. I am passionate about it. I think if they had been there to show the girls they cared, they would have had no doubts about my passion. Coaching was also my break, every late night, frustrating practice, devastating loss and even stressful win, it was all my break. I was sacrificing time with my family for something else I felt was a very worthy cause. It also made me a better wife and mother because I felt like I was a part of something and my every waking second wasn't solely devoted to the same thing. I could come back to my first calling renewed and more patient after getting out to coach for a while.
I also know that this whole situation was incredibly difficult for my family. Remember my husband, the one who was a teacher and administrator at the school? Remember how he was upstairs with our kids while this was happening? I had to go upstairs and tell him that I had been fired. He was shocked and hurt. He also had to stay and teach the rest of the school day, then the rest of the week, the month, the year, and even the year after that. He had to continue to work with people he used to call friend. We had both been betrayed. And while it was very painful for me, I know it was harder for him. And our kids bore some of the brunt of our pain. They were there and we were hurting. It still pains me to think about the number of times one of them asked why I was crying.
That's how I lost my voice.
Maybe you ask, what's the point? Why share this story except to badmouth the players in this drama? Really?
And I can see why you might think that, but the reasons are there. It's not to badmouth anyone. I've forgiven them. It took a lot for me to be able to say that, and sometimes, with my Father's help, I have to do a little re-do, but I do forgive them. The reason for sharing this is twofold. The first is because this whole situation has played a major part in my life over the last few years and has shaped me. It's also the reason I've been working to find my voice. The second? Because, this story has a happy ending (I can't fit that into this same post--my kids have been very cooperative with my writing morning and I should probably give them some attention--but it does, I promise. And I will share). You know those times where you just can't figure out why God is allowing things to happen? Where you wish he would just tell you His plan? This, and following events, were some of those, but now I think I understand. His plan was revealed, in His time.
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