The Voice of Competition

At some point I'll probably stop titling every post with voice, but I guess today is not that day.

I'm a competitor.  I've known this about myself for a long time now.  I played sports, I worked hard in school, I strove to do my best.  I want to succeed.  It's just what I do.  This can be a very good thing.  We should always do our best, right?  At other times it's not so good... I find myself comparing my kids to others... comparing myself to other women... comparing the state of my house to others... comparing my writing to other writers... creating a competition in my head.  That's not good for anyone.  We are who we are and we aren't meant to be like anyone else.  

What I've recently learned about myself is that I don't have to have another person in order to compete.  In working out, I am able to push myself because I need to do better than I did the last time... add another circuit, add another mile, take off a few more seconds...  That's good.  It's why I've been able to finally do my whole video and why I've been able to run almost three and a half miles in one trip (that's something I NEVER thought I would say).  It's why I've officially lost 20 pounds!  (That's right, Friday's weigh in was kind.)

Sometimes, though, it's a little irritating.

Today I went for a run.  I don't usually work out on Saturday.  I thought about not going because I was sore from my new workout yesterday, I didn't need to run... I had already burned more than the necessary amount of calories for the week.  But, I didn't get to run all week (did I just say "get to run?") and I knew I probably wouldn't get to go next week.  It would also get me out of the house. By. My. Self.  I decided to go, to do the short route (still over 2 miles and I'm calling that short?), to take it easy and try to work out some of the kinks from yesterdays workout.  

I couldn't do it... I still checked my watch at the corners (when I first started running, I had to limit myself to checking when I turned so I wouldn't drive myself crazy) and compared those times to my usual times.  It felt good to run (whoa! wait... what?) and I really wasn't feeling too tired.  I tried to remind myself that I wanted to take my time, but I didn't really slow down.  I did not finish with a new fastest time, but I did finish less than 30 seconds slower than my fastest time.  Maybe next time I want to take it easy I'll have to let one of the kids come along... they keep asking and that would probably slow me down.  :)