So, I've had this post floating around in my head for a few days. It was spurred by Fit Mama Training. Let me start by saying, I really like what she's doing and I applaud most of what she says. There are a few things, I think largely because my basis comes from my faith, that cause me to raise my eyebrows, but her message is a good one. Her whole premise is that there is no set definition of beauty and everyone is beautiful. I love that she talks about weight loss not being the ultimate reason for working out and eating healthy and that being healthy feels good. At one point she said, if you want a cookie, have a cookie. Make sure it's a good one and don't waste in on a stale, boring cookie, but if you want a cookie, eat a cookie! Your body is a result of the way you live and if you're happy with your life and with what your body can do, that's what matters. Basically, live life to the fullest. I do get a little hung up on her idea that you should do what feels good... sometimes very unhealthy things feel good. But, the post that brought all of this about was:
"I
just don't appreciate comments about my body. I mean, if someone wants
to tell me I look nice, that's fine. But I don't internalize that. If I
decide that compliments = awesomeness then I have to also take in the
negative remarks. I'd rather support my own confidence. That said, in
general I'm just not into it. I understand that leaving the house means
the possibility of others looking at me and forming opinions. But I
also think there are a lot more interesting things to think and make
comments about then body parts. And I guess I'd rather talk to people
with more interesting s*%t to say than rather or not my stomach is
awesome looking." (posted Sept. 8)
I totally get what she's saying and I agree that we can't let what others think of us define us. God defines who we are and our treatment of ourselves should be a reflection of that (which is a little different than doing what feels good, but a similar idea). But, isn't it nice to hear someone say you look nice? I mean, if you've been working really hard to get healthy (and that probably means losing weight and building muscle and tone) isn't it nice to have someone affirm (even if you already know it) that your hard work is paying off? Even if this hard work is something you enjoy, it's nice to hear that someone else notices. It's ok for those comments to make you feel good. It's not because you're equating skinny with awesome or that you're defining yourself by what someone else says. It's the same as feeling good about someone telling you that muffin you baked was delicious or the event you put together was a huge hit... you put forth some effort and someone is recognizing that.
Yesterday someone I don't know asked me if I ran, because my calves were amazing. I kinda laughed a little bit, on the inside, because it seemed like a strange thing to get complimented about and it was very out of the blue. BUT, it made me feel good. I've been working out A LOT and that's why my calves look like they do. It was affirmation that my hard work and sweat have paid off. I know my body has changed for the better because of the food and fitness choices I make, but it's nice to hear that other people (even strangers) are able to see this as well. Isn't it nice to to have something you already know confirmed by someone else? For me, it makes it that much more real. Then it's not just me being overconfident or seeing things that aren't really there.
But, if positive comments build us up, that does mean that negative comments can tear us down. It's true. We live in a sinful world and words of others can hurt. It's especially true if it's something we see as a weakness in ourselves and then we have that confirmed. I'm not saying that it's right for others to judge us, but it happens and sometimes we can get hurt by those judgements. But, those criticisms can become a positive... If someone criticizes something about me, I can take it in and let it drag me down and decide I'm a terrible person. OR... I can hear it, possibly be a little hurt by it, think about it and let it help me make a change for the better. Or, if it is something completely unfounded, just let it roll off. If there is something you don't like about yourself, you either need to learn to accept it or figure out how to change it. You need to love yourself. You also need to be aware that you have flaws (and I'm not talking about the stretch marks or the roll that hangs over your pants, those aren't real flaws) and either stop seeing them as flaws or find a way to change them.
I know, everything goes back to this, but... I might not have liked it at the time, but I NEEDED feedback, especially negative, about my coaching. I wasn't getting any feedback and I didn't know I wasn't meeting expectations. I couldn't make changes that I didn't know were necessary. Negative feedback has it's place and even though it can be hurtful, it can help us become better.
I realize Fit Mama wasn't talking about anything but body image. I think, though, that we have to be willing to take positive and negative comments about other things and if we're going to do that, we also have to be willing to take them about our bodies as well. A negative comment can become motivation to run an extra 5 minutes or lift an extra 5 pounds. Comments from other people about us, in any way, shape or form, do NOT define who we are, but they can help form us for the better. God puts those people and their words in our lives for a purpose and it's our job to allow that purpose. God wants us to love ourselves, we are created in his image and we need to do our best to preserve and build that image. Sometimes that happens through what others say to us, good or bad.
You never know when God might be using you to help shape someone else. Do everything in love, and don't be afraid to help make someone's day!
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